A wave of sadness is setting in. As I am typing this, I can feel a dark cloud approaching. The only way I can describe how I feel right now is deep sadness, anger and worry. I am going to be honest and real as I hope writing this will help me.
I am sitting on the coach and have tears in my eyes. Here is what is going on inside my head right now:
-I am angry that Darin and I will not be celebrating our annniversary this summer.
-I am angry that the medical system is not responsible for this death.
-I am sad that Darin will not be here to celebrate my birthday in July.
-I am devastated that I will never see him again.
-I am heartbroken that my kids no longer have their wonderful father.
-I am scared of my future without him.
-I am worried about taking care of the house and car. Doing all the chores that he used to do.
-I am afraid of failure. I am afraid that I will fail our kids.
All of these thoughts are going on in my head at 9:30 on a Monday night. No wonder I am tired.